Fuck me! A how-to Guide

WARNING:

This post is all about my sex life.  It's probably graphic.

If your a personal friend of mine, or family member, this post is quite possibly TMI.  Feel free to read it, but don't blame me if you learn more than you wanted to.

For those of you currently having sex with me or hoping to in the future, i totally encourage you to read this.

With that out of the way, I shall crack on.

Firstly, why am I writing this?

Well for a number of reasons, but chiefly because trans women's sex lives seem to be tremendously misunderstood.  For most people, the only concept of what sex with a trans woman is like, probably comes from porn.  This is probably the worst possible sample of trans women from which to build ones assumptions.

Here's why.

Not only is porn nothing like reality in oh so many ways that I pray you are already aware of, but trans women in porn represent the very tiny number of us who are capable of and comfortable using our penises (if we still have them) in a male typical way.

You see, for most trans women, the testosterone blockers we take make it very difficult, if not impossible, to get and maintain an erection.  Performing penetrative sex is simply not a possibility for many of us.  

Secondly, I've had more than one person be utterly confused as to how they should approach me in bed.  It's very interesting to see just how gendered many peoples sex lives really are, and just how much atypical anatomy throws them off

So how do we have sex?

Well I have no idea how "we" have sex, but I can tell you how I like to have sex.

Many trans women report a loss of libido after beginning hormone treatment.

This has not been the case for me I'm happy to say.  I'm enjoying sex more than I ever did "as a man", but the character of my libido has certainly changed.  

Basically, I get to be horny on my terms.

When i had a lot more testosterone in my system, arousal was something that happened to me, often against my will.  Now, for the most part, getting aroused is something I chose to do.  

It's kind of lovely actually!

Sex itself has changed so much that I'm still only just beginning to figure things out after 9 months.

These days when I'm turned on I tend to get half erections.  If I really want to i can get and maintain a full erection long enough to do the old fashioned PIV intercourse or jerk off, but it doesn't get me off the way it used to.  Lacking testosterone, simply stimulating my penis is almost never enough for me to reach orgasm.  In fact, the sort of orgasms I can achieve that way are becoming generally weaker and less interesting.

So, if you're familiar with having sex with men, and were to attempt to have sex with me in that way, it would be deeply disappointing for both/all of us.

These days my erogenous zones seem to have been ever expanding to the point that now, depending on how aroused I am, they pretty much encompass my entire body.

Breasts, nipples, buttocks, nape of neck, ears, inner thighs, all of these areas feel amazing.  Not just at the point of contact either, but increasingly as a powerfully warm surge that radiates from my core, right behind my belly button, all the way up to the top of my head and down to my perineum.

Sounds fabulous I hear you say, what a lucky bitch you are.

Well yes, but...

There's always a but.

As awesome as my body can feel these days, it's also very elusive.

It's as if the wiring of my pleasure centers is a faulty and prone to power surges.  

While my body has become much more sensitive to touch, it almost over sensitive.  If any given area gets too much stimulation it seems to flip the breaker and instantly the good feels are gone from that area.  Like spinning plates, maintaining arousal for me has become about constantly tending to and switching between different areas, never allowing them to cool down completely and never causing them to overheat and turn off.

The best analogy I can make is one of an orchestra, all the different sections must be playing together in harmony.  Yes, there are solos and the focus shifts from one area of the orchestra to another but everything must still work together as a composition.

When it's working though, oh my gawd does it ever feel good.  

It's frustrating that I can't do this for myself.

Even knowing exactly what I want internally I can't seem to bring everything together to reach orgasm yet, although it does seem to be getting closer and feels like something far more profound than merely ejaculating.

Speaking of which,

My Penis!

I almost forgot, I still have that thing!

It still feels good to be touched, but I find I have this mental image of my future vagina and focusing on my penis distracts from. To much time spent there is confusing and brings me out of the moment.

These days i mostly treat it like a vagina sans convenient hole for putting fingers/other penises in.

Fortunately there's an asshole for that.  Well, for other peoples penises anyway.  

I've never been a fan of having peoples fingers in my ass, and dildos/strap-ons are generally so poorly wielded as to be painful, so unless you're some sort of strap-on wizard I am probably not going to enjoy that.

Emotionally I'm pretty submissive by nature although sometimes I do like to "fight and lose" so to speak.

I have learned that I can have sex with someone I'm not terribly attracted to and that it leads to pretty unsatisfying sex.

I've learned that what I am attracted to extends far beyond physical appearance.

Confidence and the ability to talk openly during sex is a huge turn on.

Being wanted is a huge turn on.

Someone who's good at having sex with their whole body, who knows how to fuck me as a whole person, not a sequence of anatomical buttons, someone with rhythm can bring me close to coming as as I ever get and often in totally unexpected ways which has made sex one of the most delightful things in my life.

So I guess, you should have sex with trans women like I hope you would with anyone else.

By treating us as individuals.