Landscapes Between Bodies

This post is about porn, my desire to make porn, and my sexuality.
This is quite possibly way TMI for many of you who know me personally so, you know, reader discretion is advised.

 But first, watch this.

 
The Third & The Seventh from Alex Roman on Vimeo.

The Third & The Seventh is, to me, one of the first instances of the moving image I've seen that I consider to be fine art. I find it deeply moving every time I watch it.
 The artists eye for light is simply sublime. The quality of the "camera" movement, composition, pacing, color saturation, drama, the way focused is pulled, all of these aspects come together to make something I could never tire of looking at.

And it makes me think of porn.

Specifically, how porn lacks all those elements. I've had the notion that I wanted to make unusual pornography for quite a long time. If you've known me long enough you may have heard me talk about my desire to write an "Opera Erotica".
Prior to my coming out and starting transition though I must confess to still being a little "British" about sex in tearms of liking it but not being able to talk about it very comfortably.
Well, when I say I "liked" sex, that requires some unpacking.
I have certainly had so VERY enjoyable sex in my life, but I've rarely had good sex while sober.
Like a singer who needs a drink to get on stage, performing the male role in bed always required I disassociate first.
 It wasn't that I needed to get blackout drunk or anything, just drunk enough to party.
As a result of this, attaining a real emotional connection during sex had always been a major issue for me.   It is disconcerting to be having sex with someone you love, be aware that there should be more of a meaningful connection but having to leave the moment in search of fantasy to get off.
I ended up watching a lot of porn as it was way easier to come on my own than during sex.
Porn was a super utilitarian thing for me and, as time when on I ended up watching what I would describe as increasingly misogynistic scenarios as my internal state of self loathing and denial got worse.  Being a fairly self aware person it struck me as odd that the porn I was watching really didn't jive with my sense of self at any other time.
It all makes a lot more sense now.

Repressing what I needed had made me resentful and angry wich, aside from the occasional hate fuck, is never a good thing in the bedroom.
Almost as soon as I came out to my wife, our sex life improved as, at long last, I wasn't pretending to be someone I wasn't. I've been finding an emotional joy during sex that has been missing my entire life and it is fantastic. It's also reeeaaly interesting trying to figure out how everything works now. Using my penis in the traditional manner doesn't work at all anymore, it just feels wrong.
 The upside is that being touched feels good EVERYWHERE. I'm sort of in a process of rewiring my sexuality these days.

 The result of this is I've been thinking about sex.
A lot.
I've also been chatting with a few porn stars on twitter, which got me thinking, and what I thought was, I want to do porn.
I want to make porn that I've never seen before. I want to make porn that isn't about getting off quickly in a utilitarian manner.
I want to make porn that says it's ok to have sex that is brim full of humanity and love.  From a visual perspective I'm interested in editing non linier sex scenes that focus on light, shifting depths of field, texture, intensity of color and mood.  I want it to look like The Third & The Seventh.
I also want it to be irreverent and even humorous at times.
Along with spending a lot of time filming the sex in a variety of locations with different lighting scenarios, I want a documentary component of unscripted conversation between the performers on topics both sexual and nonsexual in nature.
How exactly this would all edit together I'm not entirely sure, but I want to try to make something that is authentically beautiful, graceful, awkward, funny, sexy and honest.
 So there, that's my plan.
Now an open call for cinematographers, musicians (it needs original audio), and performers. So if you know anyone who might be interested to work on this with me please point them my way.

Love you all,
be sexy!