As always I've bitten off way more than I can chew because, well, there wasn't much of a choice.
Medical and student loan debt are killing us.
Lastwear can support itself and our little family but it can't support that debt.
I can't answer my phone to unknown numbers anymore. I haven't been able to for years.
The only thing I can do is work harder.
Find someway to make more money.
Try to get out far enough ahead before the tidal wave hits and I drown.
The house is a mess.
I can't clean enough to keep it tidy.
Lyssa is at breaking point from spending all of her time looking after the kid.
She's understandably mad at me for not helping out more with our daughter, but I don't have much choice except to spend more time working.
The only thing that I can do to move us forward is also what makes me feel guilty as hell for not helping more with the house work.
For not spending more time with my beautiful little girl.
It makes me hate my job.
I'm self employed, making shit money at a job I should at least love, but instead makes me feel like a failure as a parent.
Hell, I for sure failed at being a father.
I'm always too close in my mind to being a total failure to my daughter.
Because this morning the world is too heavy.
Today, when I should be sewing, I'm crying on my keyboard trying to type this out because I simply can't do anything else.
Because I want to rage quit life, or just cry until the world ends.
Because it is too fucking hard to want to kill myself just to make it all stop, and then have to look into my daughters eyes.
Look into her eyes and somehow carry on.
Some days are better than others.
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